Leave a comment

I got fucked up the ass and all I have to show for it is this shitty certificate!!!!

Make it official
Whether you are a virgin, feel like a virgin, or want to be a virgin again, getting a virginity certificate is probably the easiest way to go. Show your friends you care,
and certify them as well. Getting a certificate is easy and won't hurt your wallet.

We, your friends at certifiedvirgin.com, know that modern teenagers (and those who are teenagers at heart!) need official notice that they too are participating in the New Virginity. In today’s world, that piece of paper can be as important as anything else, and your certificate of virginity might just a open a few doors for you like that application to Oral Roberts College or even a way of getting a date with that new cute virgin everybody is talking about!

And though we have the standard certificate, we have also created a few others to meet your different and changing needs.

You don't have to be or do anal to get this certificate but it won't hurt!

If you are saying to yourself “I am so totally a virgin, like totally” and you mean that old school definition then you just might qualify for our Gold Standard Certificate. These are a little more expensive but if you end up “falling off the wagon”, you can for no additional charge get the less demanding Certificate. (Of course, the unsullied condition of any entry points need to be attested to by a Commissioner of Oaths and the ensuing declaration submitted to our quality control department).

If you are saying “but I could be a virgin; its been forever!” then you might be interested in our time sensitive certificates. These can be tailored to the period of time that suits you, and can be renewed for a small fee.

For some folks this is just a great way to turn a negative into a positive. Instead of being miserable at being alone, you can make that a good thing with this certificate that tells the world it is a choice you’ve made. And if you are doing it just for the peer pressure, that is not so bad either since there is nothing wrong with getting closer with your friends (but not too close!).

Finally, there is nothing that quite says ‘cootie-free” like a Certificate of Virginity. (And though we will not endorse this ourselves, some of our more satisfied clients who have decided to go into a certain business have informed us that these certificates can be worth their weight in gold).

Don’t delay, the supply is limited. The longer you wait the harder it will get.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: